Fire up Your Desire [Part IV]
Scientists think they’ve unraveled the mystery of female arousal and what they’ve discovered will blow your mind in bed
Hillary Rosner
In her private counseling practice, Meana sees many couples in which the woman “will completely avoid certain sex positions because she’s embarrassed by how she thinks her body looks. But the husband hasn’t even thought of that. He’s shocked ‘That’s why you won’t get on top? Because you think your breasts sag?!’”
Sometimes, the key to better sex might be repairing your relationship with yourself. There’s no one-size-fits- all solution, but Meana works with her patients to help them figure out what would make them feel desirable. For some women, it might be as easy as buying sexy lingerie. For others, it might be overcoming physical insecurities by adopting a new workout routine. “The strategies can range from manicures to college degrees,” Meana says. One thing she doesn’t recommend, though, is dimming the lights during sex (even using candlelight!) as a way to avoid worrying about your looks. “This kind of behavior simply reinforces negative self-image,” she says.
Meana’s research may be easier to digest than Chivers’s or Diamond’s, both of which point out women’s potential to desire some rather shocking things. But according to Leiblum, all of these theories are loosely connected. “Desire and arousal are predicated on so many factors,” she says—things like the nature of our relationships, our attitudes toward ourselves and toward sex, our general health, our hormone levels. The bottom line: “There’s no one right path to desire or arousal. You can feel these because you have an intense emotional relationship with another person. Or maybe you’re looking at sexy pictures and something gets triggered. There are many roads to Rome.”
Regardless of their particular take on the subject, all the researchers offer the same advice: Don’t worry about how you’re supposed to feel. “Is this normal?” is the wrong question. The right ones might be “Does this feel right?” or “Does this feel good?” If it does, don’t over-think it—open your mind and just go with the moment. Indulging in what your body and mind naturally crave doesn’t necessarily define sexual interest, but it may pave the way to even more self-discovery about what turns you on…and makes your toes curl.
Source:http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/sex-tips-1?page=4